Road to Recovery : Perfectly Imperfect with Priscilla Cabrera
Road to Becoming Myself Again: Perfectly Imperfect with Priscilla Cabrera
By the grace of God, I am doing better! I am thankful I am not where I was a month ago. In complete distress, feeling like I could not do this thing called life.
These last couple of weeks, just thinking of OCD made me feel anxious. Even the night before my therapy session, I felt uneasy but I knew I had to take this step, in order to get better mentally.
The next few sentences I will go into how OCD affected/affects me. Note each person with OCD can have a different experience and or trigger.
In talking with my therapist, I informed her of how my first episode came about. I was in the last three weeks of finishing my Masters and when I tell you I felt an immense load of stress; I mean like never before have I ever felt like that in my life!
An indescribable feeling!
What I also realized, is that my entire life I have been identified as a school girl. I felt like going to school, getting these degrees defined me!
My OCD made me feel like what now? What is your next step? This is not good enough. What more can you do?
And let me tell you. After I completed my Masters, I didn’t feel accomplished. I didn’t feel satisfied. One would think I would be happy.
I am the second in my family to obtain my Master’s degree! Had it not been for my mental break down, my ass would probably be working on my doctorate degree.
But knowing when to take a rest was my biggest battle. What is rest? I am always on the go, thinking what I can do next. 50% of that is my OCD kicking in telling me I am not enough but the other 50% is me wanting to better my life and fulfill my biggest dream of becoming Dr. Priscilla Cabrera. Damn that sounds nice! Doesn’t it!
I knew I had to take time for my mental health. I knew I had to take a break and really figure this mind of mine out. But let’s keep real, when you are single mom there is no breaks. I can’t tell my three old daughter, “Sweetie mommy isn’t feeling good so I’m going to take a mental day.” It’s tough battling with your own mind and trying to put on a happy face for your little one. And if your child is anything like mine, she knows something is wrong with mommy and is very in tune with her own emotions.
There were times where I would just be crying, crying at times for no reason. My daughter would feel those emotions and she would start crying or get upset. I knew I had to pull these feelings together.
Even though I am the one with OCD, my family especially my mom and daughter are affected too. So, me being me I bought books for myself and mom.
When a Family has OCD. I have yet to ask my mom how reading that book is going. Although she seen me at my worst, mentally weak and drained she can now have a full understanding of what actually is going on with me.
OCD affects 2.3% of the population in the US. Meaning, 1 in 40 adults have OCD and 1 in 100 children have ODC. There is no specific cure for OCD but there is an 80% recovery rate which allows individuals with OCD to live a life where OCD is not in control.
When I first began blogging, my main goal here was to let you into my journey of recovery but the more I thought about it I wanted to show you the good and bad in my life.
I can tell you I use to be the one to keep quiet but that never did me any good! In talking, sharing my story and sharing my experience I am able to heal but most importantly to let others know who are battling OCD that
YOU are not ALONE.
Taking each day at a time and cherishing everyday moment is something that I value more today than I have ever before.
If you are battling with any mental illness, please know that you are not alone but most importantly seek help. <3
Until Next Time!
From Yours Truly Priscilla
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