Diagnosed with OCD : Perfectly Imperfect with Priscilla Cabrera

Recently graduating with my Masters in Sport Admin last month where one would think I was the most excited about my achievement, in reality I was completely broken on the inside. 

 

It has been about month since I fell in what I like to call it my episode experiencing uncontrolled intrusive thoughts that caused me severe anxiety which led to my first panic attack.

 

I remember experiencing my first episode early on in college which was caused by the same intrusive thoughts which led me into a depression where I couldn’t even sleep or be alone. 

 

Going back, I have battled with intrusive thoughts my whole life for about 23 years. I knew it wasn’t normal but I feared expressing what would come to my mind, I feared being deemed crazy and I feared being locked up in psychiatric ward.  

 

This time around it cut deep, where I prayed to God to take me because I couldn’t deal with my emotions, I felt mentally weak, drained & felt like I couldn’t live any longer.

 

But my living angel saved me and she continues to save me daily. I always knew God sent her to my life for a reason, I just never knew exactly what reason that was. Until now... If it weren’t for my three-year-old daughter, I truly believe I wouldn’t be here as we speak. 

 

I was recently diagnosed with OCD. I know what you are probably thinking, you are a clean freak or like to be tidy. I had that misconception too growing up. What OCD actually is, is when individuals are not able to control the emotions when it comes to intrusive thoughts. What are intrusive thoughts? Just that, thoughts that can be random & scary. The thoughts aren’t what really matters here but our reaction to the thoughts is what can cause us distress and impair our daily function. Some might say well, don’t pay them any attention, they aren’t real! Well for people like myself, they seem very real, they question you as a person, they question your beliefs and everything about you & around you. 

 

For example, if I tell you don’t think about a big pink elephant. Chances are, you are thinking of that pink elephant right now! Well, our intrusive thoughts are just that.

 

The thoughts of having this mental disorder is scary in itself and can at times cause me some anxiety but in reality, I have been dealing with this my whole life the only change here is that there is an actual condition/term for what has been in control majority of life.

 

As I write to you my perfectly imperfect life, I want to take you on my journey of recovery but also my life in general. 

 

I have always been seen as the good girl, the girl that got good grades, followed the rules, mostly behaved and what others viewed me as a remodel. But in all honesty, I’m just a reminder that even though our life may seem perfect on the outside that some of us can actually just be hanging on by a thread and holding on to hope for this season to pass.

 

So I invite you to join me weekly for weekly updates about my recovery, therapy and my life as I manage keeping mentally sane while raising a three year old. 

 

 

Until next time! 

From yours truly, Perfectly Imperfect Priscilla!